[an error occurred while processing this directive]
<CENTER><H1>Fun on Airplanes</H1>If you're lucky, a flight crew can add humor to your trip.  Here are 
some examples</CENTER>
<BR>
<BR>
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out 
of this airplane..."  And, after landing:  "Thank you for flying Delta Business 
Express.  We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking 
you for a ride."<BR>
<BR>
<HR WIDTH="75%">
<BR>
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a 
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced:  "Please take care when 
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell
everything has shifted."<BR>
<BR>
<HR WIDTH="75%">
<BR>
From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 740 to
Dallas, Texas.  To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the 
buckle, and pull tight.  It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you 
don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public 
unsupervised." <BR>
<BR> 
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will 
descend from the ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.  
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting 
with theirs.  If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which 
one you love more."<BR>
<BR>
<HR WIDTH="75%">
<BR>
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but 
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.  Thank you, and remember, nobody 
loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."<BR>
<BR>
<HR WIDTH="75%">
<BR>
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an 
emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."<BR>
<BR>
<HR WIDTH="75%">
<BR> 
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake 
City:  <BR>
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a 
bump and I know what y'all are thinking.  I'm here to tell you it wasn't the 
airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants'
fault......it was the asphalt!"<BR>
<BR>
<HR WIDTH="75%">
<BR>
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came 
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash 
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate.  
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll 
open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."<BR>
<BR>
<HR WIDTH="75%">
<BR>
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:  "We'd like to thank 
you folks for flying with us today.  And, the next time you get the insane 
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll 
think of us here at US Airways."<BR>
<BR>
<a href="/nerdhumor.html">Back to Nerd Humor</a>
[an error occurred while processing this directive]