An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun...

Ventriloquist: "Hey, good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"
New Zealander: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
New Zealander: extreme look of shock
Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?" pointing at New Zealander
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
New Zealander: look of disbelief
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
New Zealander: "Horse doesn't talk either."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
New Zealander: extreme look of shock
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" pointing at New Zealander
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
New Zealander: total look of amazement
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
New Zealander: "The sheep's a liar."

Cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting near his (Indian's) house.
Cowboy: Hey! Cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?
Indian: Dog no talk.
Cowboy: Hey, dog, how's it goin'?
Dog: Doin' alright.
Indian: {extreme look of shock}
Cowboy: Is this your owner? {pointing at Indian}
Dog: Yep.
Cowboy: How's he treat you?
Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.
Indian: {look of disbelief}
Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?
Indian: Horse no talk.
Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?
Horse: Cool.
Indian: {more extreme look of shock}
Cowboy: Is this your owner?{pointing at Indian}
Horse: Yep.
Cowboy: How's he treat you?
Horse:Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.
Indian: {total look of amazement}
Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep?
Indian: Sheep lie!!